Eric Lanlard - Gateaux pour gâter, cakes to spoil you!

Being unemployed, I have rediscovered the background drone of daytime television. On my third day of jobless drudgery, as the sound of Prime Minister's question time slowly dissolved into two couples arguing over which dilapidated Yorkshire cottage to buy, I tapped away at my keyboard, engrossed in application form filling.

That is until a familiar gentle gallic lilt drifted in over the airwaves, whispering sweet words like "calvados" and "tarte normande" and "slowly spoon ze creamy chocolate into ze hazelnut caramel mixture". My eyes diverted from my laptop for a brief second only to find themselves face to face with not only totally divine human creature in the form of Normandy Master Patissier Eric Lanlard, BUT he's totally divine tv chef totty who bakes luscious, unctuous, devilishly seductive cakes to boot. Good lord, daytime tv has really gone up in the world.

The show is called Glamour Puds and airs on Channel Four, Mon 2:25pm, Tues-Fri at 2:55pm.

A good tip I've learnt, aside from how to wear a chef's jacket and make it look like an Armani suit, or fondle a palette knife like a catalogue hand model, is that when making tarte aux pommes normande, you should flmabée the apples in calvados after slow cooking them in butter. A fundamental flaw in my existing recipe that I shall instantly rectify.

He runs a small patisserie and cafè by the name of Cake Boy, where Mads and Guy Ritchie have been known to purchase their bijou tortes from, as have other celebs and politicos. I promise to make an excursion to discover this haven of Gâteaux and Gorgeousness. Until then, I advise you to take a sick day, turn over to 4 and appreciate a handsome man getting his hands covered in whipped cream in the name of fine patisserie.

Cake Boy

Unit 2 Kingfisher House
Battersea Reach (Off York Rd.), London SW18 1TX
020 7978 5555

Mince Pies 2009 - They're HERE!!!

YES people,
It's that magic time of year again where Emma starts getting Christmas fever and feels the urge to make mince pies! Last year I made excellent suet-free mince pies, compensating with butter. This year, I've gone one further and taken out the butter which I frankly feel is wholly unnecessary, instead ensuring that the mincemeat is kept moist and delicious thanks essentially to splashings of brandy. Let's face it, we all agree, anything splashed with tons of brandy can only be divine...

If you make your mincemeat now and let it macerate for a couple of weeks in a cool place, preferably an outdoor larder, they'll taste all the richer when you come to baking them, just in time for the first week of the Christmas period.

I don't do measuring, so the following ingredients were simply added in quantities that looked decent enough. The trick is to keep the moisture balance smooth and creamy: not liquid but not stodgy either. If the mixture gets too runny, add a touch more flour. If it gets to stodgy, throw in some more brandy!
Voilà!

Ingredients for AWESOME MINCE PIES 2009:

Dried figs, chopped
Candied Lemon peel and orange peel
Chopped walnuts
Sultanas or raisins
1 large chopped sweet cooking apple
two table spoons flour
Lots of French brandy (don't bother using expensive stuff, it'll be wasted in the cooking. Morrison's does a decent smallish bottle perfect for cooking at £5.60)
two large handfuls of soft brown sugar
2 large teaspoons of cinnamon
2 large teaspoons of allspice
1 teaspoon of nutmeg
1 teaspoon of ground ginger

1 pack shortcrust pastry (or make your own, even better if you have the time!)

Mix all the mincemeat ingredients together in a large bowl, cover with a cloth and leave for a couple of weeks in a cool, dark place, taking it out and turning it occasionally.

When it comes to baking them, roll your pastry out and cut 16 large circles and 16 smaller circles. Butter a cupcake baking tray, place your large circles in the spaces, fill with a generous spoonful of mincemeat then cover with a smaller circle of pastry and pinch together into a mince pie shape.

Bake the whole lot in a pre-heated over at gas mark 5 for 15-20 minutes until golden brown on top. Serve with a dusting of icing-sugar and cinammon, and some crème fraiche or brandy butter.

Enjoy with people you love, beside a log fire and accompanied by as many cheesy carols as you can bear. Alternatively, I find Andy Williams singing Sleigh Ride is always hilarious after a couple of eggnogs...